...two...one... zero.

a moment is little more than a figurative "line in the sand". we and all our past and our history, stand on this side of the line. the divide between now and the future is the line in the sand. everything we've ever known is on this side of the line.

and every second of every day we put our foot out to cross the line. but we can't cross it. instead, the line gets moved an instant into the future. and in that instant we get the knowledge of all we didn't know the instant before.

time is kinda like riding backwards in a car. things are happening all the time, but we just don't always get to know about them until we see them zipping past us.

but time is equal opportunity in this regard; it hides both things we long for and things we fear. interestingly, the line in the sand is not the same for all of us.

for example: if someone makes a decision that affects your life but doesn't tell you about it. from their point of reference, they cross the line at the moment of their decision and from then on, that decision is part of history. but for the people who haven't yet learned about that decision, it doesn't yet exist. they may suspect it's coming but for them it doesn't yet exist. we may fear the decision and it's arrival or we may be anxiously awaiting it.

it occurs to me now that it's these moments that we eagerly await or dread the arrival of.

why are the dreaded ones so much more plentiful?

waiting all morning for that eagerly anticipated moment when she comes back, says she's sorry for being distant, tells me all i want to hear. i suspected that either that moment or it's evil twin, the one where nothing's changed from last week, where after a week of being far apart she's comfortable now with the distance and sees more and more of it in the future, would be arriving today.

but i was thinking positively. i was not setting myself up for failure. instead, i was eagerly awaiting that good moment.

i kept watching and looking, waiting for it. i never saw it. but the evil twin was there. i looked, blinked, blinked again. try as i might to force my eyes to see the good moment, as i could see was the one that passed in its place.