confusion, unfairness

all i hoped for was a good day with her. we've been so good, so close.

she wants to be -there- (first time she's ever said that so directly though) and she says she wants to be with me.

we can't be together now because she has to "catch up" to my experiences. but she's not having any other experiences, so she'll never catch up.

she wants me, i'm sure of it. but she won't let herself go any further along the road to us ever meeting, much less being together. why? why not?

she says that me seeing my fuckbuddy less makes her pull back. yet the more i see my fb, the more she pulls back. so what do i do? i can't win.

i'm more convinced than ever that she's ready to meet. almost completely positive that come our tentative meeting date that she -will- meet. so why am i also so hopeless that she'll back out at the last minute?

she says she -knows- but just can't bring herself to make a move.

are we destined to never be together because she can't make the hard decision to leave him?

on xmas day, she told me that she wanted to send me an email with all her personal info. then he proposed. then we weren't close, then we were. still no email, so i guess she changed her mind on that too.