Different approaches

If it was me, I'd have done it differently. A lot differently.

Faithful readers of this (of which there are none other than me), will know that B, the love of my life, has just been away for four days. Beyond that, there should have been two days where we could have had a LOT of extra phone time but didn't.

So let's call it a week since we've had a "normal" amount of communication. And four solid days of nothing other than one brief call Friday evening. But not just a normal long weekend, an extra long weekend. And a weekend during which she went away with her... guy. bf. lover. live in. live in lover. significant other. the real man who shares her real life. the reason she won't see me.

Had our positions been reversed, I'd have been in the office extra early today. I would have picked up the phone to call her before doing ANYTHING else. Before coffee. Before turning on the pc. Before dropping my briefcase. Before anything else. I couldn't have waited. I'd have been chomping at the bit the entire drive in, anxious, DYING to talk to her.

But she was probably in the office early today too. I'd bet 60-90 minutes early.

But her priorities are different. Work, home, bf. Work is huge to her. I know that, have known that. Her home is important to her.

BF is important to her. More important than I want to admit apparently.

I know I'm important to her too. I'm just not at the position on the list that I thought I was, or at least where I wanted to believe I was.

So more than likely she's been in the office for about 2 hours. After five days apart. Even if she didn't get in early, she's been there thirty minutes. After five days apart.

And still I haven't heard from her.

Even if everyone in the office pounced on her with a problem the second she walked in, couldn't she say "Gimme 5 mins, okay? I -have- to get one thing done first."

Am I wrong? Or am I just getting a reality check?

I want to give her everything. Everything I have to give. Love, friendship, romance, attention, support. All of it, all of me. I want to give her the rest of my life.

How could she not have been dying to call? I would have been.

Life is so fucking unfair. Love is so unfair. How can love be so uneven, so unbalanced? What ever happened to "love always triumphs" or true love or all that? All bullshit? Maybe it does still hold true, just her for him, not her for me.

Is love always a triangle? I love her, she loves him.

I've never felt anything this strong, this right, this ?pure?, this deep.

Fuck.