where, where, where?

it's late, nearly an hour after we would have normally talked.

why do i freak out so much?

where is she? did she have a great night last night, the night I fear so much? A great bday celebration, great gift, him on his knee proposing, her accepting, hours of awesome, sweaty sex, throughout the night and again this morning? is that why she's late, from a morning repeat?

or is she hurt? traffic accident? migraine?

the one thing i almost never let myself think: did she break up with him finally? did they argue and cry and talk all night about why this isn't working, about who gets what?

or, insult of insults...did she just have a normal morning and forgot about me? maybe i never crossed her mind. or maybe she walked into an already crazy office and never had a chance to think about calling...

fuck.

must breathe.