We had good talks on Thursday and Friday and again on Monday. As much as I hate, HATE leaving her for the weekend, we've been so good lately that it wasn't as painful as usual. Of course, it also helped that she sent me an email Friday afternoon, out of the blue, just to say hi and to (I'm going to say) touch me for the weekend. Of course, it doesn't hurt that she wrote
"You're in my heart and in my mind - always."
I'd hoped that even though she'd declined to see me Thursday or Friday that after thinking about it over the weekend (I asked her to please consider it over the weekend) that maybe she'd change her mind. I'm still not sure why it is that I think that anything I do will influence her. When she's ready (if) she'll say so. I know that just as surely as she does - so why do I continue to ask? I'm not sure. I can't do anything to influence it.
It's been good - we've been good. The undercurrents in our conversations are strong, like before. It feels good to get back to being able to talk, really talk. The secret of course is what she's said all along - "don't force it".
She's always right (argh!). And I'm starting to see that she always tells me what to do to make us better - it's just that she doesn't often say it directly and I don't see it for what it is, think it's not the answer to the question I asked and therefore don't apply it. You'd think I'd learn. Maybe I am, finally.
I'm glad she's back. It's good to have my friend back. I've missed her. So very much. I'm so happy she's back.
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