how to tell when things haven't gone according to plan

can't see the forest for the trees

now that's a true statement; sometimes you're just too close to something to be able to see it. especially when it's something of critical importance to your life... or something you've been waiting a long, long time for.

so, for those of you who, like me, are sometimes a little dense when it comes to figuring things out, here's some helpful hints.

when the two of you have what should be a life-changing event and then a week passes and she hasn't even mentioned the event? that's not a good sign.

when she says on friday that on monday she will tell you the date of the next time you can see her and a whole week goes by with a) absolutely no mention of a next visit, b) complete avoidance of the entire topic of seeing her again and c) it turns out that the last visit was actually the most relationship-detrimental event in recent history.... it's not a good thing.

the way this week should have gone is that on monday we should've been giddily discussing the visit and eagerly laying out a schedule for the next few visits. we should've been doing that because after the initial visit it should've been just a matter of weeks until we were actually together. i should've bought another airline ticket monday night. should've told my boss that i needed next thursday and friday off. should've been walking on cloud 9 all week.

instead? the week brought nearly complete silence from her on all things related to the visit, any future visits and on anything about her and i being together. eventually it was brought out that to her (and subsequently to me) the absolute worst thing that could possibly have come out of our visit last week was exactly what she took from it. instead of wanting more and wanting to get closer and wanting our time apart to end? instead she can't even contemplate another visit. we've gone from "at least 3" visits before she leaves him to not even talking about any more visits. we've gone from "end of year" as a very likely timeframe for us actually moving in together to knowing that in six months we'll still be exactly where we are... her with her husband, me here alone. (actually by then i'll probably be in another job in another state.. assuming i'm still around, but that's for another post).

when you have an event that should be positive and life changing and the event passes and there's absolute silence about the event... and the mental framework changes from days to months... and everything that you feared could possibly have gone wrong, has....

things haven't gone according to plan