she was supposed to be in to work today, but it's over an hour late. when first we talked about today, we said we'd have plenty of time to talk, since her day won't be very busy nor will mine (my company is closed today).
but that was before saturday. the saturday she said she was not going to do it anymore. she said she couldn't compete with my fb. in my mind there never was a competition, but she made it clear that i'd pulled away from our relationship.
now that's been fixed. i broke up with the fb yesterday, told her i couldn't see her anymore. it may very well be a case of too little too late, as far as b's concerned. and i suppose i wouldn't, couldn't blame her if she said goodbye and never turned back again.
i've been slow to understand her when she's told me i was taking things away from our relationship and giving them to my fb. i didn't believe her at the time, didn't see it. i'm seeing it now, but it's likely too little, too late.
in my email to b i told her that i'm not going to point out things to her to show how i'm not distracted anymore. she'll either see in my actions and my words that i'm fully with her again or she won't. if she does, we might be able become again what we've been, or even more. if she doesn't see change, then she'll go (if she hasn't already). period. it's that simple.
it feels like quitting smoking. as a former smoker i can say that you've never really kicked the habit until you die. at any day between now and waaaay in the future, she could be gone. today, tomorrow, next month. or this past saturday. but "success", that is, keeping and growing and living a life with her, that success can never be declared until i actually die and can look at her and look back -our- life and say "we did it".
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment