a day in the life

well, this will not be just another boring day in just another boring week.

today, b will tell me whether we're done or if we're going to be together. it's not actually those two choices, but whether we're done or whether we'll continue to try to work on a relationship.

it's been a very interesting week. let's see... my soulmate b, the woman i've been chasing for over three years, will tell me today whether or not she'll ever speak to me again after today. i broke up with a fuckbuddy to try to save my relationship with b. i was supposed to have been RIF'd last week but my boss resigned, so that took care of the budget crunch, for now. (but not only am i a contractor, once you're on the hit list, you don't get off). my boss leaving sucks big time because not only was he a great boss, but a VAST amount of corporate application knowledge vanishes with him, stuff that will come back to bite us later (i say us, even though i expect my time remaining here is short). oh, and now, the project we have to bring in another 400 people by MONDAY will likely become a fabulous circle jerk. for which i suspect i will carry a large share of blame (after all, i worked for the guy who left, and i'm a contractor).

so while it sucks that all these things come together in one week, what is the real impact? fuckbuddies come and go. bosses come and go, even good ones. projects fail, or fall behind or have problems, that's normal. jobs and contracts come and go.

but -love-? love doesn't happen very often. and deep, solid, make-your-eyes-water- with-the-rightness-of-it-all love .... that doesn't happen very many times in a lifetime, does it? once, maybe, if you're lucky? with b, i knew within the first few weeks of talking that she was the one for me. i knew it then and i know it now.

she says it's like one of those movies where two people are in love, they know it, they know that the other person is the RIGHT one for them, yet because too many things have happened, they can't bring themselves to say the words that will bring them back together. that it's just "too late", even though it's still right, even though they both still want it, even though they know it'd be all they hoped it would be.

i say that if two people love each other like we do (and yeah, i believe she still loves me, even under all the pain), then how could they NOT say the words needed to get them together? how could they NOT do -whatever- is necessary to make it happen? there can be no greater good served by sacrificing a love and a relationship that they both know is extraordinary in so many ways. i believe that with the partnership we'd have (have had, could have again) that -NOTHING- would be insurmountable. would it be easy to get past the hurts and pains that are in our past? no, of course not. is it doable? i absolutely believe so.

i believe it's worth it. how could it not be?

in about two hours i'll know if she thinks it's worth it.