R-E-S-P-E-C-T

more specifically, -self- respect. which is something i seem to be lacking.

the more i try to be accomodating to her, her schedule, her restrictions and her life, the less i appear to have and the less i probably do actually have. the more i'm willing to subjugate my wants and needs in the relationship in order to maintain the relationship, the less respect she has for me.

and she can have no respect for a man with little or no self-respect.

so my options are to stand up for what i want and need at the risk of her walking away because she won't/can't give me those things, or i can put aside my wants/needs and be as accomodating as possible until she loses all respect for me and walks away.

some choice, huh?

the sad thing is that when we're where we should be, she makes me feel like more of a man than ever before. i love her more than anyone ever has (how do i know? i just know), she's never known affection and dedication and devotion like i would show her, and i long (just as much as i think she does) for the type of relationship we'd share. it's so wrong/sad that my willingness to do anything to get to the point where we could actually -have- the relationship could be the very reason that i'm not chosen.

i don't like being powerless. i don't like many of the conditions that exist today. but since my only option is to accept it or not have her in my life at all, i don't really have any choice.

so now what?