got my shovel, time to dig. the hole's not deep enough.
an opportunity came up for her to go on an 8-day cruise with him. no big deal, right?
except it's 5+ months from now.
in her head, without a moments' hesitation, she still sees herself being with bf.
a few days ago it upset me that she couldn't definitely see us as having even -met- by our anniversary (late july). i guess if she can't even see herself meeting me in 4 months, then taking a cruise with her partner in 5 months shouldn't be that much of a surprise to me.
not me. -him-. not a new life with me, one she says she wants. her old life, with -him-. the one she says she doesn't want. and the way i "read" the year, that's it for 2007. because right after september starts the holiday season. halloween. then thanksgiving, a big family day and kinda the "special holiday" kickoff. then december holiday parties and xmas and new years. and she's said before she would NOT leave him at holiday time.
maybe next year. or the next.
i'd hoped, dared to dream that we'd be together by our anniversary. maybe i need to specify WHICH anniversary.
or just accept that not me, it's -him-.
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