So many days seem to be the same way - up, down, up, down. And not just up & down, I mean way fucking up and then way fucking down, into the depths.
What does it mean that the same person, B, can evoke such feelings in me? Just talking to her or chatting with her makes me happy. When we're "on", really connecting, it makes me ecstatic. I love talking to her, about anything. Then something happens, usually precipitated by me, that just knocks me off the cliff and into the depths of hell. Often I seem to set myself up; I ?expect? a certain response, or kind of response, and when I don't get it, then I just crash and burn.
When I'm high on her, the world is great, nothing bothers me, the future has potential. But when I'm down, NOTHING matters. I can't work. I can't eat. I can't even fucking think straight. Some might call my attraction to her obsession. Maybe. But I don't see it that way.
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