we had a nice talk last night. she'd called yesterday morning and we had about an hour then last night we had about two.
yesterday morning was hard. as usual, i "started" it by being pissy. we worked through it during the day though.
then last night we had a good conversation.
unexpectedly, she called this morning. because of his schedule, i'd expected a call tomorrow morning but not today. a pleasant surprise, of course. until i found out that he won't be out of town tomorrow. which means no morning, no extra time at night.
and AGAIN (fuck fuck fuck) i got pissy. i couldn't let it go. i let it pull me down and then it pulled us down. and she got frustrated. and we hung up, arms crossed, not close, pulled back.
because of me. again. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
again. and again. and again.
do i never learn?
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