reality bites

i swear to g-d, i thought my luck had turned around.

She called over the weekend. As if that wasn't stunning enough (especially given that she said she no longer remembered my phone number), she wanted intimacy, phone sex, -me-... even wanted to meet.

after she hung up, i sat, stunned. Is it really possible that she -called-? That alone seems to much to hope for. and then, she wanted me, wanted physical closeness. indicated that she wanted to see me and that we'd talk about it.

pretty much from that moment on, i was wow - everything changed. somehow, she still wants me, somehow, she still wants -us-, is willing to see if that could happen. this is too good to be true! how could i be so lucky? how could she still want -us-?

what an easy night. what an "up" morning....

until, that is, she gets in. and turns out she didn't call me. never mind the ramifications of the caller and the call any more, there's only one important fact to be drawn from her statement:
she didn't call me.

therefore, she DOESN'T still want me, didn't miraculously awaken and realize that what's missing from her life is me. anything but.

but for almost twelve hours i got to think, to believe, that she wanted me and us again.
it was great.

and now, fucking reality.