the cut

"you're not the man i thought you were".

myers-briggs? personality types? who needs 'em?

when everything you are can be summed up in one short sentence uttered by the person you care about most, it feels pretty complete, pretty comprehensive.

in the thirty hours since i heard (read) that i've been wondering about it.

i think the most ?favorable? (to me) interpretation is that she thought i was a better man than i've proven to be. so, the statement conveys a huge amount of disappointment, at the very least.

except she called me back later and said that wasn't exactly what she meant to say.

so she might mean that on second thought, i am the man she thought i was. so maybe she's decided i'm not so bad after all. but if that were the case, she'd have wanted to talk, like we always do, no? but she didn't. graciously endured the interruption and when i fumbled around enough and it was obvious she had nothing to say, i said "sorry for the interruption". to which she replied "it's okay". i didn't think anything would hit me like "you're not the man i thought you were" did, but her indifference does.

or, she might mean that i really am the man she thought. just that she never thought that much to begin with.

either way, doesn't matter much, does it? i mean really... whether i failed to live up to high expectations or i only managed to live up to mediocre expectations, neither is exactly a ringing endorsement, is it?