it's almost over

Its almost over. Just one more day and she'll be back in my world. I keep hearing her words: "even though we're not right in front of each other it doesn't mean we're not there with each other".

I wonder if she means that? Does she hold me with her even when we're apart? Even when we're apart for so long? Or do I (we?) fade from her thoughts when she leaves the office for the day or weekend?

I've spent time away this weekend. It was fun, no doubt. But even so, B was never far from my thoughts. She never is.

And today she's home with -him- and together they're dealing with the dogs' health issues. Here's where I start to feel bad.

I know what it's like to have a sick pet. They're friend, companion, part of the family and having to deal with their illness is stressful. And when I think about her dealing with it the next thing that comes to mind is that -he'll- be there for her, he'll be there to comfort her and hold her. And that will bring them closer as they go through this chapter of their life together.

and no matter how much i may feel that the parable of the dog might apply to her life (or maybe no matter how much i -wish- it was a mirror of her life), it's just wishful thinking on my part.

and again i'm brought back to the cold reality that she doesn't want me to know her, who she is, doesn't really want me a part of her real world, her real life, doesn't want to be lovers enough to make it so, doesn't want me to even see her smile... and that what is today is likely to be what there is, period.

a lifetime without her.