life, revised

well, obviously a visit didn't happen this week. it wasn't even discussed.

and since it wasn't even raised as a possibility, it's safe to assume that next week won't either. and she's gone the following week. so that means that May isn't gonna happen.

that's a -real- disappointment, for a couple of reasons. the first is obvious: she still doesn't want to see me.

the second is more of a personal disappointment (as though being told, even round-aboutly, that your love doesn't want to see you isn't a personal disappointment). to the best of my recollection, i'd asked her, back in march during the long weekend of talk time we had when she was traveling, if she thought we'd see each other by Memorial Day. and she'd quickly, positively and quite firmly said "oh yes, definitely by then".

maybe not so much. but i have to say, it did make me feel a little better during all those intervening weeks.

sigh.

while i'm sure her goal wasn't to make the boy feel a little better, it did accomplish something more important: it relieved her of some of the stress from me of pushing for a visit.

and now we're here. or more accurately, she's there and i'm here. one thousand, one hundred and fifty one miles apart.

if only it were just miles. miles can be conquered by car, by plane, hell, by walking if need be.